Must I prepare for a conversation I know will be difficult?

Think of a conversation you’re either dreading or avoiding altogether. What’s the situation? What makes it particularly difficult for you? Have you thought about how you’re going to have the conversation, or will you just wing it? Which approach do you think will get you closer to your ideal goal?

Different conversations are difficult, for different people, for different reasons:

We have differing opinions
We know the stakes are high
We know that emotions run strong
We don’t want to hurt others’ feelings
We don’t want to damage an important relationship
We don’t want to be wrong
We feel vulnerable having the conversation
We don’t know how the other person will react
We’re not prepared and not sure how to have the conversation

Why are some conversations more difficult for you? Have you tried having conversations and found them blow up in your face? Do you fear that talking will only make the situation worse?

Whatever your rationale for considering these conversations “difficult,” there’s a feeling of being stuck. Often, the mere thought of having these difficult conversations can fill people with anxiety and distract them from other important things. I don’t know about you, but I want to free up that energy for more useful purposes. In my search for the best way to hold these conversations, I adapted a framework to help me (and others I coach) better prepare.

PREPARATION FRAMEWORK

Think about the situation or issue and ask yourself:

SITUATION. What happened? What’s the concern? What supporting data do I have?
IMPACT. What’s the impact? On me? On others? On them? What does this situation say? To me? To others? To them? What is at stake? Treat your view as fallible; not as certainty.
PURPOSE. What is my goal for this conversation? What do I hope to accomplish by having the conversation?
CONSIDERATIONS. What personal needs, tendencies, or characteristics do I need to consider? What are the opportunities and challenges in this discussion or the underlying situation?
TAKING ACTION. How will I start the conversation? How can I make sure there is safety in this conversation?

Click here to download the Preparation Worksheet

The conversations you dread having are exactly the conversations you should take time to prepare to have. Really think through each area and be as specific as possible. Use the Dialogue Framework to have the conversation, and you’ll be in much better shape!